Lucky_Kitten

2006-10-30T16:57:00.000-05:00

Self Observation

My jeans are always tattered at the end, frayed from all the walking and running. My heels pierce into the fabric shredding away the back of it. The string become loose and turn into elongated tangled threads. Marking my journey and how hard my voyage has been.
My hair blows in the wind, full and thick. The ends are tattered and frayed from all of the thoughts that come out of my mind. They grow the length of my long hair and then split at the ends. Like me thoughts, starting out so strong and slowly spreading in every direction. Thousands of them, each one more unique than the other, blowing behind me, or covering my eyes, whispering into my ears, so I won’t forget them.

I take it all in entering through my footsteps, spreading up my legs through my stomach spreading like a tree into my heart. My veins feed it to my heart, my heart pumps it out to my arms, each artery branching like a budding tree. The branches reach my limbs and burst at the crowning top. Forming these thoughts these ideas, these images right or wrong, crazy or normal, happy or sad, dangerous of safe and then they flow out into my frayed ends. The ends that flow into the wind return to the world, whispering to me and to others that they touch. Gentle and soft, course and tangled.

2006-10-10T10:59:00.000-04:00

Puppy Love: When it's time to say Good Bye

PuPpY LoVe :

When it's time to say...

GOODBYE

I want to start out with a story about a dog, not just any dog but an elderly dog. I think it would be best if I described the animal. This dog was a small dog, probably weighing 5 pounds, a toy dog. It was one of those shaggy dogs that you cant differentiate between the front of the dog and the back, so it is rather hard to tell whether this beast is watching you or not. The one sure way to tell which side was it's front was by its emaciated legs that kick out behind it and dragged along the floor like two little extra tails. If these tiny atrophied limbs weren't bad enough they were stained with urine and feces because half of the creature's body was paralyzed and it was unable to hold in defecations.

I often found it amusing when the older lady that owned this 'dog' put pampers on it's backside, which shortly found themselves ten feet behind the dog crumbled in the floor next to a pile of doggy waste. Why she kept doing this ritual when it never remedied the problem was beyond me, but then again why this dog was alive was an even bigger mystery.

I know this sound pretty bad but it goes on! This dog had eyes the color of marbleized milk, covered in cataracts and embedded in crust along the corners. At times I thought the animal might actually cry milk if I didn't already believe it was dead inside.

The dog was aware of its surroundings to a certain extent, for example: it couldn't see you but it could partially hear you (I never got close enough to its head to see how matted in wax it's ears must have been) and it could smell you. Perhaps it even just felt vibrations in the floor like a snake. The reason I say this is because once the dog was slowly aware of your presence it would start to bark in a raspy high pitch shriek. The interesting part of this interrogation attempt was the dog never actually look at you when it barked, it would stare off in an arbitrary direction and howl. The mongrel would continue barking even after you had the left the room.

Watching this dog move was probably the most pathetic part of it, as it would slowly drag it's listless body across the room to its food bowl were it would attempt to eat its food with it's three good remaining teeth. I didn't know if I should cry or laugh.

It was explained to me that the owner refused to put the dog down, this seizure prone, shaking, shitting, and miserable little creature. She even stopped taking it to the vet because they suggested it be put down. She just kept this thing alive somehow most likely through witch craft of a deal with the devil. She would spend thousands of dollars replacing carpets in her home because the creature would befoul every inch and any room the creature roamed, and it would posses such an odor of death, rotting flesh, disease and wastes it was unbearable.

I don't know how the animal went down, I know it happened, and I am quite sure of one thing, it didn't go out with ANY dignity.

The reason I told this story was to build a picture of most people's relationships. This creature is like many peoples dying relationship. Something that needs to be let go, aloud to go on to a better place.

There are many reasons to let something go that is dyingâ€¦.

First off, NO ONE wants to be around it, do you know how uncomfortable it is to be around that rotting dog?! Barking at the wall and dragging shit behind it like a retarded snake, blindly shaking on the couch in a puddle of its urine. It isn't much better to be with a couple that is arguing in the car, at a restaurant or bickering anywhere. Your caught in a room with your friend while they fight on the phone with their significant other for half an hour all the while airing private business to you and the rest of the world with working ears.

Second off your being selfish, waking up everyday to this horrible image, making you unhappier by the minute but you keep telling yourself it is ok. Stop and look at the situation your in! Don't kid yourself your not happy! It is being kept alive by you because you're selfish and wont let things go. Your thinking of yourself only not your friends not of the other person and not what you truly need.

Third off, you're a coward! What is wrong with you? You had some great memories together but it is time to move on. When all is suffering it's time to move on. I don't see what is so hard about this. When your living on memories and not making any new ones something has to give. We have all been in this situation, like something is going to happen to make things better. Well it doesn't, in relationships you get to a certain point and they just don't recover. Just like our little doggy friend, it isn't going to regain use of its legs and bowels. It's not going to see again and get younger. Just let it goâ€¦.

I know that when you read about that dog you thought yeah I would have put it asleep and done the kind thing, not because I didn't want to deal with it, not because it was too expensive and not because my friends made fun of me, but because its quality of life had suffered and each day alive was hell for it. But for some reason when it comes time to ending a relationship you always walk back home with the same half dead dog. Just keeping it alive at any cost.

I want you to think about it now, are you harboring a dying dog?

Dedication

2006-09-09T00:36:00.000-04:00

I remember riding my bike home in japan a couple of times listening to this song, knowing all to well it was forshadowing my future... well here it is, i wanna dedicate this one to that special someone out there....

escaping the jungle

2006-09-08T00:38:00.000-04:00

I was thrown off the mountain in my last attempts to hold onto something that wasn’t real. It hurt to see the jungle claim him and reject me was it the jungle that threw me down the mountain, was it him or did I fuckin jump? I think I got sick of the damn jungle, pissed him off and made him throw me and the next thing I knew things were upside down side ways much like how they were when I arrived and met him. Vines, roots, dirt, rocks, thorns, oh god the thorns tearing my flesh. The world was spinning, a whirl of greens. I felt like a baby being delivered into the world, and in a way I was being delivered into a new place, I had out grown my old place and was too big to stay.

I felt the hands upon my back as soon as I felt things were ok; they touched me the way he promised. The way he said he would hide by the castle and wait for me, hunt me down, capture me and over power me, the way I had dreamed about. I turned to see the devils helper, it wasn’t him, but in so many ways it really was him, a man I didn’t really know, a man there to take from me what wasn’t his.... No love, no direction no good. He grabbed and groped at my clothes; trying to tear away the petals that surrounded me as my foreign cries were encrypted and lost. The streets empty until their prayers chased him away, strong from 7k away. I listened to him run away like the quiet ghost he was. Gone...

The sobering moment at the bottom of the hill. I could not longer look behind me, for fear of seeing the empty face; I only saw what was in front of me, the exit. I could only see that light blinding as it was pouring through the jungle. I walked for two days until July 18th came. I walked backwards for half a day till I came back home. The jungle gave way to open space, huge space, rolling space.

Everything different. I am where I belong but why do I feel like more of an outsider? They seized me and threw me into a cage. Captive from the jungle confused and lost. I sit here waiting like a caged tiger lose in a city. Waiting and waiting, longing to escape to run to hunt, to play, to kill and drink life like the blood of my victims. Fighting and growing stronger and more proud with each kill. Obstacles fading away... Once I am free, once I find a way to blend into the metropolis no one will ever lock me away, I know how to hunt, I lived in the jungle and made it home, to see my reflection, I am the tiger. I will be unstoppable, and those in the jungle that hurt me can never touch me again.... those I loved will never leave my heart.

Sometimes it isn’t until we leave the jungle and return to where we were born that we can see our reflection and then that image haunts our dreams... we see what we truly are after the raw jungle has striped us deeper than our skin and our primal self takes over...

My two hunters from the jungle... we only hurt each other... you both taught me so much.... and regardless of the pain I love both my killers
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Anxiety, Love, Goodbyes, and Regrets

2006-05-18T11:55:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I ponder the meeting of certain people. Why does it happen? Are we predestined to meet them, something in our life is guiding us to them w/o us knowing it, certain drives certain choices.... Things we do shape our lives, things we decide to do or decide not to do, they mold us into who we are. Are we the rock standing strong in the river letting the water break us apart and shaping us with what ever it brings our way? Or are we the river ever moving breakin apart rocks we come accorss carrying with us the sediments and peices of those we encounter? I am not sure which I am. But I know this river has cut me deep and shaped me in ways i cant imagine, if I am the river then i have peices that will flow with me forever and I wont ever forget them, they will always be carried with me deep in my heart.
I have met someone very very special to me, someone i dont think i will ever forget, someone i know that i dont ever ever want to say good bye to. Could someone that is so wrong for you ever be so right for you? What do you do when you meet someone that isnt what you were looking for turns out to be what you want? What do you do when you have to say farwell to the person you had to travel 7k miles to meet? What do you do when it took you four months of your time here to realize that you liked them? Why did it have to take so long open my eyes? Now you spend these last precious months pushing each other away with one hand and holding on to each other with the other hand?

Why did the stars have to cross our paths so late and deal us this hand? Sometimes i think in a parallel universe we are happy, i like to think that we made it somewhere...

I dont know how i will say goodbye, i cant imagine after having him in my life not having him. Something about us is good for one another...

I am not ready to say good bye, I am not ready to lose him... They say once i leave things will be different i will forget, but i know i wont, i cant, the river has cut me deep, he has left a mark on me that wont ever wear away. I will carry peices of him in my heart till i die. In a perfect world we are happy together on a beach away from it all living a simple life. surrounded by our friends. I do think a part of me will die once i leave here.... These are my feelings....

Dont let it find you

2006-05-05T02:22:00.000-04:00

I stayed ontop of that high high mountain in a tall tall tree, smelling the clouds and chokin on the atmosphere for days. At night that dream came to be again, the one where i am on the plane goin home and i realize i forgot everything in japan. Everything is still there and i cant get back. The third time i decided to go home and see what happens....

********************* I am home, in my car driving i am so happy to be home, surrounded by loved ones. I am excited to be driving, not having to walk everywhere, then i think of my little blue bike, left alone, i left it with the keys still in my pocket... alone in the garage not to be ridden, then i think about everything left behind. panic fills me, i have to get back. I run to the store of buy a card to call, i cant get through the opperator makes jokes with me and talks about my friends to me how funny they are, but no answer comes, i am calling him. I kno it is him that i want to go back to and i am running to the airport trying to get back at any cost...****************************************

Damn that dream sucked, it was sad but nothing worse than the panic i woke up to the same abondoment feeling is still there. I look off into the distance, i can see july far away, a billion light years it seems away. I am now alone, i no longer feel him anywhere near, the jungle is quiet, except for a a still beating heart, my own.

I realized the jungle is full of souls it is very much alive but how loyal is it? it isnt it is alive and bloodthirsty. Selfish as an only child... If it can it will swallow you and if they can they will let it swallow you. "This place is a prison, these people are not your friends". I pray that july will take me away before i am left here too long. I kno that i must be strong, i kno that i must get down from this tree, climb down this mountain, get away from it, get away from him, never look back. He wouldnt save me, they wouldnt save me. The last i saw him he was walkin away from me with the coldest look of distates.... Save a snake and u best drain the venim bc once it is well enough it will fuckin bite you. But what he dosnt fuckin kno is that enough snakes have bit me in my fuckin life, it will make me sick but it wont do me in like his other victoms. i will walk on to july with his bite marks and a reminder of how stupid i was....again.....

If i keep moving i will get to july i will find it, and once it sees me it will take me home.

I understand my dream...... If i dont let go july will find me and take me unwillingly home, however if i find july i will be ready for it and i wont look back or god willing EVER come back..... I will be ready to go home....

Love isnt blind... Its crazy

2006-04-14T11:51:00.000-04:00

I am in the jungle, the trees and vines are swallowing me. Everyday is a struggle to get through, sounds of screaming birds and chattering monkeys fill my head, i long for peace and fuckin quiet. I am tired of entertaining the jungles animals, making the monkeys fuckin laugh and the parrots mimic what i say and the monkeys mime what i do. I CANT TAKE IT. I am running running to where i see the clearing, to be free from this fuckin jungle. *I climb the mountains of the jungle when i can escape the monkeys and birds and climb to the top where everyone is real high.... i get high with them. In the tree tops of the jungles..... You choke on the air and clouds when ur that high.... Sometimes i feel his hands on me, i can feel his breath on me and his lips against mine, there is no high that can surpass that. That overwhelming feeling, when his eyes meet mine, my stomach is filled with thousands of butterflies that take me even higher. I choke on my own words and clouds feel my head. I stay on the one side of the mountain with him and look over to the other side, do i dare go there with him? Once i cross that top i will never make it back again, but i want to leave and go with him, be alone with him go all the way down the other side, no turning back... The clouds are getting thicker in my head, the butterflies are pulling me over the top, i am choking on my words, 'no' no longer comes out but sounds like a 'yes' .
I am now standing on the top of that mountain, if i return to where i am from this mountain will be gone forever, and i can see the path out of the jungle, back home. it is lined with bread crumbs that i left to find my way home.... but then i look over the mountain to the side i have never gone over. I know it is crazy and my knees shake but i want to go down there... but i dont feel his hands on me urging me down, i cant look into his eyes and feel the butterflies... Has he left me? I am now scared. I stand at the top alone, wondering if he will come back for me? will he find me? does he want me? does he love me? I will wait until the crows come by and begin to eat the bread crumbs and i have to run down the fading path home, unless he comes for me and takes me down the other side of the mountain to be with him, no turning back.... i will be strong... i close my eyes.... and wait..... to feel his hands on me again.....
love isnt blind, it is crazy......

In the Jungle

2006-03-30T10:39:00.000-05:00

I am alive, i am living and breathing, i am in my jungle, after exploring the many possiblities in here i find myself wounded from the battle, not with the beast that lurked inside the jungle that lurked around me for so long. I freed the spirit of the jungle by ridding my forrest of it. I found another inside this jungle, perhaps someone just as fucked as i. Someone just as scared just as lonley just as confused. How can you not see that person who is living in the same place as you for so long? I found him he found me, we finally saw each other for what we are. Maybe two people who hold so many scars from previous battles and fights found some comfort in one another. maybe use being in this jungle together was good? What happens when i leave this jungle to go back to wence i came? He has made a home for himself in the pits of this canibal jungle. This place that will swallow you whole if you are idle for too long. What do you do then? what do you do when u find u are torn apart? do you kill each other to see who is the strongest do you run from each other? do you surrender to the forrest and let it engulf you both whole. together suffer the same fate? Well the jungle is swallowing him whole, i can see it now, i am watching it happen, and i am reading out with both arms grasping all i can. Am i willing to suffer too? I cant save him, he dosnt want me to. Warriors would rather die than be helped. What happens when a warrior loses her head for someone in the jungle? what happens when someone breaks free her heart from the icey cage it has been hidden in for so long? now she is defenseless in this jungle watching he one she loves drown. He has pushed her away and she is vunerable. She has no place left but to run home...... Two people in a jungle living in fear and the past have no future.... when is enough enough? i know to run, it is what i have been dispositioned to do. But when he looks into my eyes i am lost again and no longer able to move just held paralyzed by his stare...... i am lost in the junlge and i feel its mouth closing on me...........

Falling

2006-03-14T20:28:00.000-05:00

I dont need a shoulder to cry on....
I just need to keep walking......
Keep walking to July...
Then I will find my wings....
They will take me home............
I wasnt afraid to jump.....
He was afraid.....
I fell, but for one second i felt what it was like to fly.........
That is what matters....

Baka Fish

2006-03-04T19:56:00.000-05:00

Ahhh... the sea is full of them, swimming circles around us. If your carefull you wont have to touch them, but more likley than not you will catch one and find it swimming around you. Stinking up your water. There are too many fish out there to waste your time on this Baka Fish. He will give you nothing but inconvinience. What is worse is he will infact try his best to ward off any good fish from swimming your way. He will just float face up around you playing dead, but when he sees another fish he will act alive. You may not even see a fish you like or want for the over powering omnipotence of the Baka Fish. Carefull not to ignore a good fish! See him swim in all his furry. One day when you wise up and get rid of the floating corpse he will find even with him gone his smell will still haunt you as best as it can. All the other fish will have to deal with his stinch of rotton garbage and sour odor until you can air things out. This is what Baka fish are best at, stinking... rotton flesh... sour milk.... fowl intrails..... the longer you let that Baka fish around you the more he is gonna smell up ur water. But it helps when you have friends to air that bad boy out... yo.....

Avg Nite at Feedback

2006-02-26T22:58:00.000-05:00

Just an average weekend working at Feedback. My callin in life is to entertain drunk boys, and watch them wipe their asses on drunk Max, drink all night and laugh my ass off.

Lunchbox

2006-02-13T10:53:00.000-05:00

Wow, So I just have to get this off my chest, bc it has been eating away at me like two midgets in a pussy eating contest.... I have these uncontrollable urges to just get bent over the bar at a 90 degree angle and polish it with my titties while John goes to town on my like a jackhammer diggin through 50 miles of concrete.... you kno what i am saying... oh yeah.... He has to be the greatest guy in the world, i mean when i am at work i am always sliding off the stool when he is around. I sleep well at night after i pet the kitten while thinkin of him..... He is prolly like the coolest guy, he makes Chuck Norris look like a pussy...

VD

2006-02-13T10:29:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh that charming day of chalky treats forged with vapid messages. Ironey soaked gifts like flowers and chocolates that will outlast most of the relationships. I just wanted to let everyone know how much i hate VD.... This is a day best spent with ur friends, bc they outlast most of these 'relationships'.... why not use ur time for what is important?

The Flood

2006-01-20T11:37:00.000-05:00

Maybe it is after a destructive force that washes our securities away that we truley open our eyes and look our life up and down, and realize that all the things that were washed away were never really real. What we truely need cant be washed away but can easily be pushed away. By forgeting to not do something. All the drinking, all the smoking, and all the chasing wont make you happy, all your left with is a hell of a hangover, a cough, and a crumpled phone number. Filling yourself up with love, and knowledge is what sustains us and gets us through the winter.
Once the wounds heel up and things return to normal we have to rebuild, and perhaps we need to start all over to build it better. maybe i need to start making that bridge back home a bit stronger, full of friends and family, bc if they let go, what good will going home ever do me? If i keep them in my heart and let them know that is where i keep them instead of a dusty photo album then they will reach out to me and pull me home when the time comes.

T-Rex

2005-12-31T13:19:00.000-05:00

T-red dosnt want to be fed, she wants to hunt.......
To all the boys out there, i dont want to be fed, i want to hunt. I want to chase... 'its all about the chase'....

I find myself steping back into the jungle, but now the beast is gone, it is a lonley place. No one to hunt or be hunted by. All the other beast are weak and lacking.

The new year was rang in... a solitary event for one.... finding myself surounded by twos. the only singles were missing their pair...

New hook ups old hook ups.. fearing the jungle, afraid of its power... they flee to others to keep them safe.... even here miles away from the same thing going on back at the ranch. Does this just mean i am different? Wanting something else? What is wrong with me? the only person that makes sense to me is just as fucked as i, and he lives in the jungle too. Hunting his prey tearing them apart without a second thought. I find myself alone in the jungle too. Running along side watching, not being attacked, but is that what i want? Do i want to find myself in his jaws? Being eaten alive? Will the fight make me feel more alive? Will the challenge the chase become visceral? will it pour breath into my lifeless body that is weak from lack of prey? Why cant i be satisfied with the menu? Why is my only hunger the most deadly? Why do i wish to be eaten alive as i eat? Why do i choose such a pointless fate?

The hunter wishes to die in battle.... The warrior wants her match......

Damn being picky...........

Where have all the cowboys gone?

2005-12-23T07:56:00.000-05:00

I found out today, not everything is ok back at the ranch... The ranch has changed, those halycon days are over, i know we arent in kansas anymore. Where have all the cowboys gone? My cowboy left, moved out of the ranch and into a house. Met him a bumpkin and headed off into the sunset. That is the problem In the west... that is where the day ends, but I live in the east.... the land of the rising sun. For me life is still begining, I'm not ready to take that ride into the sunset and cast shadows. No cowboy is gonna rope me in and tame me. But i will miss my cowboy for now. I know our bond, our friendship is now over. When i return to the west I will look off into that sunset, not daring to walk towards it, i wont see him, but maybe the remains of his footprints. forever etched walking away from me. This is the moment... This is when it happens... This is it for me. My faith is gone, my hope has left, my drive is no more. Im no longer willing to try. So i will type it for all to see.... I give up.... i no longer beleive that we have someone... i am an island unto myself.

Severences and Sorrows

2005-12-15T20:45:00.000-05:00

*****A letter to Vince**********

If ya read this then i have accomplished something good. I went through something bad lately. I was fortunate enough to have friends good enough to find me and pull me out. Open my head and clear away everything. My eyes are now open along with my heart, which i closed off in the worst way. I turned my love on everyone. I shut everyone out of my life i kept a safe distance from everyone while i played with danger. I enjoyed the thrill of being numb to the world and trying to hurt all that came into my path. For that I realize i was selfish, rude, mean and well many words that would filter this email out of your inbox (considering that you actually read this) What i am saying, after my friends opened by eyes.... I dont want your last memories of me to be a twisted, sadistic girl that is running from everything! I dont want you to remeber me as bitter or mean. I am not, I am strong, i kno i will over come anything in my way and keep going. I kno i am capible of doing anything, good and bad. I just hate the thought of you remebering me as tainted. I am sorry for any pain i made you feel. I am very happy for your recent relationship! I wish you the best in teh years to come with your life. I do still stand by my no relationship policy., but not because i feel they aer stupid, i just kno i have lots of things to develope in myself before the man i want to marry will notice me. SO until i am finished exploring myself and the world around me and building up myself i am solo. Not to be distracted by the pretty.................... Please forgive me. Please in your memories remeber me at my best and that is it. despite any bad blood between us, i will strive to recall only the good thoughts of our halcyon days... much love and best wishesKat

2005-12-15T07:59:00.000-05:00

Keeping it cool in the shi!

2005-12-15T07:56:00.000-05:00

Mackin at the MAC bar

We've come to the end of the road....

2005-12-13T10:27:00.000-05:00

We knew it was coming, everyone did. I just didnt want it to happen. We rode down the elevator taking pictures and smiling while rumors of sexual encountars surface and curiosities were further puzzled by our usless responses. Men never understand the closesness women (not girls but yes mandy... women) can have. They will never know the bond that women can have as friends.

The cold stung our faces our eyes our hands our skin as the doors opened. The only thing that might sting more is the burning tears building in our eyes.... hold them in....... dont do it....... Giant dinosaurs and funny voices hide the sorrow. Sumimasen.... take a picture of us with the dinosaur.. arigato gaziamus!

The warm hug that lasted forever, unable to break it off for the real fear of crying only to be pulled apart by more laughter. The moment a cackle turns into song.... Two friends sing their best kereoke style to the clueless japanese pedestrians.

We have come to the end of the road havent we? The city will never be the same. Many people will be feeling a sadness with out her. I doubt many people can leave such an impact on so many people like she has.

I held in my tears till i returned home to my warm apartment. I burst into tears but I am also thankful to have met someone that could make me feel such emotions. I am sad to see her go but I must carry on and take care of her city........ she taught me well.....

This is My December

2005-12-12T10:39:00.000-05:00

It is amazing the things you learn, see, and do here. I find myself in my sixth month here in Japan and still changing. A wild rollarcoaster of emotions and adventures that envoke and test your limits to their fullest.

After my break up with him things have been hard. Hard finding myself thousands of miles away from my comforts. Each free night is spent drinking till I forget, but what am I doing? Am I forgetting him or forgetting other things.... like myself, my morals, my friends (what REAL friends are) and my respect for myself and others! I'm sorry to my friends and myself for this.

I fell into a bad habbit, hurting and being hurt, being controlled and losing all control. Being distracted by the pretty. Wanting to be the pretty, and naming the puppy. Getting caught up in the rush, the thrill of the chase. But what happens when you find yourself lost in the chase, with no one in sight? Just you and him and her.....alone on the dance floor....... Your too far in to turn around and quit. If you quit then you will for sure be caught. As the room spins and swallows you up you feel a hand on your back. The room stops just for a moment as you catch the dancing couple in your vision once more and then turn around to see who belongs to this hand that is holding your shoulder.... You turn around only to see the smiling face of your friend looking at you with big understanding eyes. Like an angel that has been watching from above and has descended to scoop you up and fly you away from danger. That is what she did, followed by two more angles, now surrouned in the jungle with three girl friends circling me while dancing i feel invinciable, the melodies of the song returns i can hear and feel the beat. I am safe. They dance me away and out of the jungle, away from him..... and at the moment i felt true love and happiness. True emotions. Knowing that I am not alone, knowing that I have wonderful friends that are willing to go into the jungle for me and protect me from whatever beast i have awoken out of my own carelessness....... My girl friends set me free.... and for that I love them and thank them. I just hope i can be a better friend to them than i have been.